“I’m going through so much right now that I don’t think we should start a relationship,” Joey says to me.
I knew that’s the way things would be since our friend Lesley passed away and I don’t blame Joey if he doesn’t want to have a relationship with me at this moment. It seemed as if he was carrying the world on his shoulder and it was too much for him to bear. He had stopped believing and trusting in everything and was tired of trying to make relationships work which was one of his reasons for not wanting to start a something new.
“I feel like I’m shutting you out,” he said disturbing my thoughts. I didn’t respond for he was doing just that and it really hurt me seeing someone I love forget about all what he cared for and all those who cared for him.
Chapter One
It didn’t seem real for only yesterday had I spent the whole day with Lesley and getting the news this morning that he had died in a car crash had me in shock. The pain was terrifying, the tears couldn’t stop and I didn’t no what to do.
As I lay down on the bed the memories of the fun times we had came to me. We had such good times together and the thought of just missing those times brought more tears to my eyes.
He had died instantly in the car crash. He and two other of our friends Joey and Eli had decided to go on a little fun trip last night. As far as I was told Joey and Eli escaped without any injuries and right now my thoughts were turned to them. We were all good friends and what they must be going through now must be hell, more pain than I myself have.
Getting off the bed I went to call Eli. I spoke to his Mom; she told me he was in a bad shape because he was blaming himself for the accident since he was the one driving. She gave the phone to Eli and before I could ask him what happened I began crying and he himself also. He only kept saying that he was sorry and I was telling him it wasn’t his fault but he wasn’t hearing me for he had put it in his mind that he was the one to blame. All I could think of was the way Eli was feeling. I couldn’t stay on any longer for we both could hardly control the pain and the tears.
Putting down the receiver, still crying I decided to call Joey. Joey was in an even worse mess. He could hardly talk and told me he didn’t know what happened. He had fallen asleep and he wasn’t sure of what had happened. Getting up after the accident he saw Lesley not moving and thought he was still sleeping. He shook Lesley telling him to get up but Lesley wouldn’t. When he noticed that Lesley was dead he began crying and has been crying ever since.
We were both crying by the time he told me what he knew and I couldn’t hold back the tears. Neither one of us could believe this was for real.
Lesley, Eli, Joey and I had been the best of friends since when we were toddlers and our friendship had grown till then. Joey was my closest friend. I cared for him more than a friend which he didn’t no. Now Lesley was gone and I didn’t know how we would live the rest of our lives. Things would definitely be different. I just didn’t understand the way things turned out.
Still crying, I told Joey goodbye and that I would call him later during the day. I lay on my bed not knowing what to do. Tears streaming down, I remembered Lesley and how only yesterday he said he would always be there for me whenever I needed him. Now he’s gone, who will I turn to I thought.
I couldn’t stand laying and crying any longer. I wanted to be with Joey and I wanted to see Eli. As much pain as I am feeling they must be in worse shape I thought to myself.
“What are you doing here?” Joey asked me. I was on his doorstep, the tears already half way down my face. He too began to cry and we held unto each other crying for a while. We then went into his room where neither one of us could say anything, this will be tough I thought.
“Have you gone over to see Eli as yet?” I asked him. He shook his head meaning no. “We should go over, I said to him. We have been there for each other since when were toddlers and it’s not going to stop now. We all need each other so I think we should go over to Eli to see him.” He agreed with me.
Eli’s Mom greeted us at the door and hugged us. She said Eli hasn’t been able to understand and has been lying down from the time he came home after the accident. Stepping into his room, I could see he was still crying and this made my heart pain me. We would all miss Lesley.
“I’m sorry,” Eli said. I asked him, “What for?” “Lesley,” he replied. I sat down on his bed tears streaming down. I wanted to hold him and tell him that it wasn’t his fault but he only kept repeating, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Joey was crying to and told Eli that it wasn’t his fault, but it seemed like he didn’t even hear. He didn’t even notice us there with him. I held his hand and I told him that he shouldn’t worry and that everything would be ok. “How can you say that? Eli said, Lesley is dead and how are we going to survive this” he said to me. “Don’t worry,” I said to him, when the time comes we will face whatever comes our way together.”
Joey and I went back to his house. Eli was so fixated on the fact that the accident had been his fault but we didn’t blame him and we thought that he shouldn’t blame himself either.
“What are we going to do? I asked Joey. He looked at me with a far away look in his eyes and replied, “I don’t know” and he began crying. I held him and told him that everything was going to be ok and that we could still have fun like we all use to just this time Lesley wont be with us but he will be above us smiling down.
Joey stared at me. All of a sudden I felt his lips on mine. I didn’t hold back. I responded to his kisses. He lay me down on the bed, his lips still fixed upon mine. He stopped then looked me in the eye as if asking me a question. I kissed him and he kissed me back. The passion I felt was exquisite and I couldn’t stop, couldn’t hold back. He kissed my neck and such pleasure he brought me. I couldn’t stand the pleasure any longer; I had to stop him before things got too far. I pushed him away and he stared at me as if I was crazy and he then understood. As much as I felt for Joey I didn’t want him to do something he would regret. He had a girlfriend and I didn’t want him to do anything that would cause him to loose what he had. We were already loosing too much and loosing anything more would cause more than just a heart ache.
Chapter Two
After Lesley’s funeral Eli, Joey and I spent a whole lot time together trying to figure what to do next. We always went to the beach and spent the entire day cooling out and remembering the fun times we use to have when Lesley was around. We still cry for him and miss him but we know that the pain will go away some day. All we have to do is hold on to our memories of him and everything will be alright.
It was now five days after Lesley’s funeral and I was on my way to Joey’s house to spend the day. In the past weeks we had tried to cope with the death of Lesley and now we were trying to get things back on track. Eli was supposed to spend the day with Joey and me but since the accident he had been suffering with a headache and couldn’t make it.
Being in Joey’s room reminded me of the time we kissed. Disturbing my thoughts he asked, “Aren’t you going to sit down?” Not answering for fear of my voice cracking I sat on the bed across from him. He held my hands. My heart racing, my lips dry, I stared into his eyes. I was afraid for fear of him hearing my heartbeat. What am I doing I thought. This is Joey, the same old Joey I have known since I was a kid. How could I be involved with him I thought?
Still staring at me he asked how I was doing and I told him that I was alright holding on and missing Lesley. As if reading my mind he said, “yea we all miss Lesley. Things aren’t gonna be the same with him gone.”
Suddenly I felt his hands on my face. “God you’re beautiful,” he said. I swallowed long and hard, my throat dry, not knowing what to say. “You are special,” he said coming closer. I could feel his fresh sweet breath against my face.
I wasn’t completely sure who took the first step, but suddenly his arms were around me, my body shuddering.
I breathed the wonderful smell of him savoring the feel of his muscled body against mine. Closing my eyes against the waves of sensation, I wanted nothing more than to continue melting in Joey’s arms.
His mouth found mine. Hot impatient and greedy. Knowing that I should pull back but unable to, I continued kissing him.
Joey’s hand cupped my breast and I felt my breath escape me. How I had dreamed and longed for his touch.
Heat was instant from zero to raging in a single second. I felt the trembling, the joy that struck my body as he touched me.
My fingers pushed into his hair. His muscles were tight. Panting I pulled away trying to hide how much I wanted him.
“Liz,” he murmured his voice smooth. This is madness and we both know it,” I said. His strong hands moved over my shoulders caressing. There were a thousand things that I wanted to say but not one came out.
My eyes met Joey’s, seeing the desire. He kissed me again and it was not only rapture and joy that was indescribable but was part of everything inspirational and beautiful. I felt as if Joey gave me light and the glitter and wonder of the God’s themselves.
His kiss was so perfect, so glorious that when he stopped I gave a little murmur as if I could not bear him to let go.
I felt my pants slide away and I became impatient to remove the barrier of his clothing as well. My hands were greedy, tugging at his jeans. He aided my efforts, pulling free of his clothing.
My flesh sought his muscle and tender skin. Hard against soft. Male against female.
Thoughts surfaced as our hands spoke the words we couldn’t say. I nibbled a path of kisses over Joey’s abdomen, my own desire quickening as he sucked in his breath, and then shuddered beneath my hands.
He shifted bringing his body over mine; using his lips to nip the tender skin of my throat, then tease my breast with kisses that lengthened until I moaned beneath his caress.
His hands and mouth wove a path over my waist, traveling downwards as I trembled under his touch.
I gasped as he entered me, needing this feel of him, savoring it, holding on to each moment. I closed my eyes and welcomed his possession of me.
Gripping his shoulders tightly I pulled as close to him as I physically possible. As if sensing my need Joey stroked my hair, then gently kissed me.
In that instant my heart stuttered. It was as if Joey had poured his light upon me so that the sun enveloped me in a golden haze and the glory from it blinded my eyes and swept through my body like a burning flame.
Then the light became more intense and the fire of it leapt within us both and carried us together into the very heart of the sun.
It was much later when Joey kissed my forehead and I stirred.
“What are you thinking of Liz?” he asked. I didn’t reply. I swallowed against the feelings knowing that what happened wasn’t right. As much as I loved him I couldn’t tell him. He disturbed my thoughts. “I broke up with Joan yesterday,” he said referring to his girlfriend of six months. Things haven’t been working out especially since Lesley died,” he said. “So what are you going to do now?” I asked. “I don’t know. Right now nothing seems right. I care for you Liz and I’ve seen the way you look at me. But we cant start a relationship. I have tried to make relationships work and they always go the wrong way. I don’t believe that relationships ever work out and from my last relationship I lost all the trust I had and I don’t think I can trust anyone.” “How can you say that?” I asked Joey. “You know we’ve trusted each other with everything. I can understand if you don’t trust some people. People who are not Eli and I and you know I love you.” “Liz stop. I just don’t know. I care about you but right now I don’t know whether I can love. I don’t even know what I am about. I feel like I’m shutting you out.”
I wanted to shout at him for he was doing just that. M heart pained me hearing Joey say those things. I had known him all my life and had never known him to be this way.
My heart ached and my eyes filled with tears. Getting up I got dresses and left without even a goodbye.
Getting home, I showered and went right to bed but I couldn’t sleep because Joey’s words were ringing in my ears. It seemed as if he was carrying the world on his shoulder and it was too much for him to bear. He had stopped believing and trusting in everything and was tired of trying to make relationships work which was one of his reasons for not wanting to start a something new.
I had to decide what to do. Whether I would stick around to help him through this ordeal as much as he didn’t believe in whatever I had to say or walk away from him and loose what we have.
I didn’t want to loose Joey. We had been through too much together to just let it slip away. I had decided to stick around and take whatever he sends my way. I know that it would cause me pain but it would be better than letting Joey shut everything and everyone he cared about and who cared about him. I wasn’t going to loose him this way; He had to get over this suffering and I was going to be there for him every step of the way even if it would hurt me.
Chapter Three
Eli was rendered speechless when I told him what Joey had said to me. He had known about my feelings for Joey for a long time but hadn’t said anything. He found it difficult to believe that Joey had said that he didn’t trust and couldn’t love because of what happened with his past relationship.
“Well,” he finally said. “All I can say is Joey was wrong to have said those things to you. So what are you going to do about it?” he asked.
“Don’t know,” I replied. “I was hoping you would help me figure out what to do.”
“Liz all I can say is don’t let Joey stamp all over you like his doormat. I know we’ve all been friends for a long time but things seem different since Lesley died, especially with Joey. He seems so distant lately. I wouldn’t advise you to give up on him because he needs you, he needs us both right now but please don’t let him make you suffer. I know you love him but it seems like he’s taking you for granted. If you need me I will be here but please don’t get yourself hurt.”
“Thanks Eli,” I said. I could hardly control the tears. He hugged me and didn’t let go till I was ready.
“Everything’s going to be alright Liz. Just remember I’m still here.”
Eli was such a good friend. What would I have done without him?
I almost hoped I wouldn’t find Joey, but I went to the garden at the back of his house and spotted him almost immediately. He was standing in the shade of the hibiscus, dressed in jeans and a blue flannel shirt with sleeves rolled back.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Just passing by to see how you’re doing.”
“Eli stopped by,” he said. I didn’t say anything.
“Look,” we both said at the same moment.
“Joey, I said, I know you told me that you don’t think that you will be able to love but I’m willing to stick around and help you with whatever problems you have. I know you don’t wanna hear me right now but I’m your friend and I have been for the longest while, both Eli and I and I think its wrong that you’re shutting me out. We’ve trusted each other with everything, so why are you doing this to me? Is it because you’re afraid that you might not have a good time while in a relationship with me?”
“I am hardly enjoying life on my own Liz,” he cut me off.
I have a difficult time as it is already and for me to involve you in my life would be wrong. I do wanna hurt you Liz.”
“I’m willing to go through anything to have the Joey I knew back. I miss my friend and I want him back.”
He turned his back towards me. “Don’t you understand?”
“No! I shouted and I still don’t think there’s anything to understand because this isn’t you Joey. I’m gonna get you back and I won’t go away no matter how much you try to push me away whether you believe me or not.”
He didn’t say anything. I turned and walked away without looking back.
As I lay back on my couch, I thought of taking a hot bath. This would be great I thought. I drew the water and was preparing to enter the tub when the doorbell rang. Who could it be at this hour I thought? I took my bathrobe and put it on.
Opening the door, there stood Joey.
“What are you doing here I asked surprisingly.
“I came to apologize for the way I acted today Liz. I’m sorry.” Not saying anything I stepped aside inviting him in.
“I was just about to take a bath, I said with a smile, so you could get something to eat while I do just that.”
Now I was dressed and decided to join Joey. He had waiting for me a cup of coffee. As we sat on the couch neither one of us said anything.
Suddenly I felt his hand brushing behind my neck. He leaned close and kissed directly behind my right ear.
I took a deep breath and touched his cheek.
He kissed my wrist. My fingers trembled.
I saw Joey smile when he felt the tremor go through me.
“You want me tonight, don’t you?” he asked sofly.
“Yes.”
Joey laughed as he scooped me up in his arms.
“Where are we going?” I asked anxiously.
“Not far.” He stopped in front of the wall switch.
“Turn out the light.”
I glanced up at him and obediently flipped the switch. The room was plunged into darkness. I was acutely aware of my body’s reaction to being cradled in Joey’s arms. I was no longer certain I could have stood on my own two feet if I had been forced to.
I closed my eyes, as Joey carried me to the bedroom. I was certain he was going to put me down on the bed. I could already picture the next few minutes in my mind. He would lower himself down beside me and take me in his arms.
But it was not the bed I felt. It was Joey’s hard muscled thigh under mine. I realized that instead of setting me on the bed, Joey had sat down in the chair infront of the window. His arms were warm and strong around me.
He bent his head and took my mouth, kissing me in a slow, inviting passion that took my breath away. I felt myself sinking. My lips parted beneath his gently persuasive mouth.
Joey made a soft hoarse sound that told me of his desire and set my senses vibrating. I leaned into him and kissed him back with growing eagerness.
Joey groaned softly, deeply. His hand tightened tenderly on the nape of my neck then his fingers slipped beneath the collar of my dress. I felt the coolness of my back as he lowered the zipper, but it was the warmth of his fingers gliding down my back that jangled every nerve ending in my body. I tensed instinctively.
“Relax Honey,” Joey said.
“You and I are going to go up in flames together.”
“Then what?” I asked quietly.
“Then I am going to tame it for a while.” Joey’s hand stole around me to cup my breast. “But only for a short time. Half the fun of playing with fire is watching it burn wild and free.”
“Sweet and hot,” Joey whispered. He touched my nipple through the lacy fabric of my bra. His fingers moved lightly, coaxing forth my response.
I moved restlessly beneath the caress. I realized I wanted more. I fumbled with the buttons of Joey’s shirt, opening it all the way to his waist. Then I reached inside to touch him the same way he was touching me.
Joey shuddered in response. His mouth closed over mine for a long, searing moment and his hand was warm and strong on my breast.
I felt the quicksand tugging at me, pulling me deeper and deeper until I could not move without being aware of its overpowering embrace. I realized I did not want to be free now. I twisted against Joey seeking more of his fire.
He responded by moving his palm up and over my leg and under my skirt. He did not pause. His hand slipped along the inside of my thigh.
I cried out softly as a deep tremor shook me.
“You’re already wet.” Joey said sounding pleased and satisfied all at the same time. “Hot and wet. I can feel you right through your panties.” He squeezed gently.
“Joey.” I was having difficulty breathing as I called his name.
“Relax.”
“I can’t relax. Joey I feel strange.”
“You feel beautiful.”
He eased my panties down over my hips and off my bare feet in one slow, sensuous movement that was a caress in itself. I clang to him as his hand returned to the damp, hot place between my thighs.
I buried my face against his shoulder when he tested me gently with one finger.
“Tight,” he said in my ear.
“Tight but ready.” He eased his finger back out of the snug passage and used my own moisture to lubricate my swelling button of desire.
He repeated the action slowly and deliberately easing his finger into me and then teasing the small nubbin of female flesh. He did it again. And again. The delicious torment seemed to go on forever.
A desperate hunger gripped me. I felt ready to explode. I dug my nails in Joey’s back. I kissed him frantically, my lips moving over his mouth, hid throat, and his chest.
“Now?” Joey asked softly.
“Oh, God, yes. Yes.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes, Now. Do it.”
“All right honey. If that’s what you want.”
I became aware that Joey was unfastening his jeans. I heard the rasp of his zipper and felt his had move as he made himself ready for me.
There was a soft ripping sound in the darkness as he opened the small foil packet with his teeth.
I waited eagerly for him to pick me up and carry me to the bed. But he made no effort to get up out of the chair. Instead he lifted me slightly and turned me so that I was gazing down at him. He put his hands on my thighs and urged my legs apart.
“What are you doing?” I asked, too dazed with desire to understand.
Joey’s eyes glittered in the shadows. “Taming fire.”
H lowered me slowly. I gasped when I realized what he intended. So much for the bed. He was going to make love to me right here in the chair.
I felt Joey’s broad shaft brush against me, probing gently.
He began to ease himself into me, letting me set the pace. I gripped his shoulders tightly and held my breath as I sank down slowly.
I felt him opening me, stretching me, making a place for himself in the very heart of me. My body clenched in reaction. Joey forced himself slowly, gently pass the tightness. I felt him climb higher and higher within me until I was full.
“Feel the fire, sweetheart,” Joey said against my throat. “Let it burn.”
He gripped my hips and urged me into a passionate rhythm. I wrapped myself around Joey, riding him as though he were a magnificent wild stallion.
When the flames swept through me, I whispered Joey’s name.
“That’s what the fire feels like,” Joey said. His hand tightened on my hips. “Don’t be afraid of it. You were born to walk in fire.”
With a tiny shriek of surprise I shuddered in the throes of my climax. A thrilling euphoria raced through me as my whole body sang the song of release. Somewhere in the shimmering darkness I heard Joey’s sound of masculine satisfaction. I felt his finger close around my buttocks with urgency. And then a heavy shudder reached him.
He was mine, I thought triumphantly. For this moment in time he belonged to me just as surely as I belonged to him. But little did I know that that wasn’t the case.
